Life is not always perfect!

Yeah, so we all know it. Life is not always perfect and I am not any exception to that rule. DH and I have been looking for a house for over two years. We hit all sorts of stumbling blocks. First we had the money and the credit and couldn't get an offer accepted. Then we hit some financial troubles, go figure. Family of 5 at the time and the girls dad has never paid child support. Kansas is not so good at enforcing the child support issue. He doesn't even have to skip jobs to get away from it. If I don't qualify for state aid, and I never did, then they don't take it directly out of their checks without a near murder threat. But I digress. We had to spend our nest egg for purchase on other things, bills for new baby. Then when we finally get our tax refund and get things taken care of, then we find a small snag that caused his credit rating to drop and now we don't have the credit. With the empending birth of our fourth child, we realize we have to do something drastic or we will be a family of 6 living in a two bedroom apartment. Well our credit is finally back up, but you guessed it, we paid bills with the money to get our credit score back up. So now we have moved into a house that we are renting because we can't live in a two bedroom apartment anymore. In doing this we decided that we could not pay all the bills if we had to pay my entire salary a month on childcare and fuel costs for my commute to and from work minus maybe $300 if we are lucky that we could spend on bills. I have always wanted to do childcare so I decided to bite the big one and quit my job to stay at home and be a mom and a childcare provider. Now certain parts of the city are abundent with childcare providers and others are not. In the richer areas, the parents have traded off staying home with children to both work corporate jobs and attain the American Dream. These areas are rich with children, but not childcare providers. We do not live in one of these sections. We live in an area with more moderate homes, like ours, where mothers have chosen to stay home with their families, hence not as much need for childcare providers. To top that off, given the state of the economy, and the keepin up with the Jones' mind set of this stupid state, most of those stay at home moms have had to take on a few kids here and there to make ends meet so they don't have to go back to work. So not only are there less kids to be cared for, but also more providers available for those needing care. Hence my problem, only one child I provide care for, and that is only in the afternoons after school for two hours. That makes for a small paycheck, and unfortunately, not enough to pay the mounting bills. Then to top it all off, I have two birthdays this month, and Christmas coming, and I don't even know how I am going to do that as we are extremely pinched to pay bills. I have a tiny weency bit in the savings, but it is not enough for all of that. I have a few bits of clothes purchased for the girls, but I still haven't gotten Santa gifts, and I have bought nothing for the younger two yet. I am banging my head against the wall. Now I am not without experience, so I could get a job, but I don't want to work all that much, since it would have to be in the evenings and weekends when the girls are home and David is not working. I don't want to give up all my time with the girls to pay for their Christmas. I also don't want to have to give up on DH's vacation with me this following year, and we have not even begun to pay for that yet. Taxes will come in before and that should pay for it, but they will not be here in time for Christmas. I can decorate beautiful cakes, but I don't have a liscense, hence I can't get a job at a good paying bakery because they will go with a liscensed decorator because they have the proven skill and I don't. My experience and the fact that I managed a bakery for three years will mean nothing to them. I don't want to go to a grocery store to do it, they won't pay enough and they will schedule me too much.
I guess I just needed to get it all off my chest because I won't talk to DH about it. He is already positive he is a no good provider because he can't provide for 4 children and a wife all on his own. Not many people can, and we do pretty well with what we have got. I just don't want him to feel like he is not doing enough, because he does more than enough, going to a job where he is emotionally abused each day, just to provide for us. He has gotten a few other offers, but none of them can offer the salary he is getting so he won't take them, even though I have urged him to. I just don't know what to do.
Please, I am asking for prayers from all of you. Pray for God's will to prevail and shine through, whatever it may be. I pray for guidance daily and try to wait for his response on all decisions. I just can't bear the thought of not providing everything for my dear wonderful girls. They have been through so much since I left their biological father, I want them to be so happy.
I just wish Santa would come thru on his own! Too bad!