Baby Blues!

I don't remember the last time I signed on and poste, of course it tells me when I get ready to post, and it says it was a month ago. Have I really been that busy, I feel like I have done nothing. I haven't gone back to work since the c-section yet. I don't know if I told anyone about that. I know I told you about the baby, but it was a 42 hour labor, finalized by a c-section, because the baby was holding her head sideways. The funny part, she still holds her head like that.... hehehe! She is a beautiful baby, and reminds me of the girls when they were young. I love my children so much.
The problem, I have post partum depression, it is driving me crazy, or was I already. It is making me doubt everything, my ability to parent, my ability to love others, even whether David loves me truly or not. Every other second I am sure he is just with me because of the baby, even though everything was set in place before we knew we were pregnant. It is simply driving me nuts, and him too. I snap at everything, start balling if he doesn't react to stuff the way I would like, or kiss me exactly when I want him to. I am driving him away, and doing things I would never have considered doing before. The girls think all I want to do is play around online, and I don't spend any time with them. They are wonderful kids, why am I withdrawing from everyone. If I can see all of this happening, why am I powerless to stop it. Not that I would ever hurt my children. I don't even think about it. I fear though, emotionally I am hurting everyone right now. Crying at the drop of a hat, snapping their heads off for no reason, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What the hell is causing this?
Anyway I have to go, so much to do. The baby needs a bath, I still need a shower, Maddie needs mommy time, all while the laundry is running.
Uh oh, gotta run, naptime is over for Melody and she is crying. I can't handle hearing her cry, it makes me feel bad.