Sorry, Computer problems!

Okay so with two computers in the house you would think we are never without online access, right? Wrong. It just so happens that both computers had fan issues shortly after I last signed on and posted. Anyway, with the hectic time of year, holidays, girls birthday parties, and the such, we took a while getting to the computer. It just so happened that it was not a big deal to be without it. I am kinda glad it was gone, because now I have gained some perspective on how it ruled my life. I may not be on as much, but I will be here, I promise!
Merry Christmas, I hope it was great for everyone. Our's was nice. My mom is here for Christmas, and she also visited my older brother that lives in Ohio. She will be here a couple more days into the new year and then head back in time to get to my lil brother for his birthday on January 3. I am so glad to be able to have her here. It is stressful because she and DH clash a bit but we make due. She has a tendency to put her hatred for my father on the men in my life. Oh well, we get over it.
I am doing the whole New Year's Eve party for the kids here tonight so it should be interesting. I hope it is tons of fun! Hope you all have a wonderful New Year, I will be talking to all of you next year.

Been a Few!

Well it has been a few days since I was in. I know, I don't want to start ignoring my adoring fans again...lol! Well it has been busy, I decided it was finally time to get some things unpacked and put away since we have been here for three months now. Not only that, but the girls had their 8, and 6 birthday parties this weekend. They are getting so big, and we did an overnight with 10 lil girls, screaming lil girls. Oh boy!
It was great, except one girl decided to pick up my 20 mo old and carry her down the stairs. They got down two steps and slid the rest of the way on their butts, and a couple at the end head over heals. My baby had a scraped nose, and the other lil girl had a bruised thigh. We were okay besides that. Thank my God, He did it. I am so happy it was all okay. Other than that, the party was a smashing success and all attendees went home very happy with my skills at homemade pizza making and cake making and decorating. I did it all from scratch per the requests of my girls. It saved us a bundle too, and I realized that I can make pizza from scratch very quickly, it was great.
Aren't I becoming quite the domestic engineer. What happened? I remember swearing off children and marriage in high school and now only a mear 13 years later I have been married twice and had four children. OMGoodness, has it really been 13 years since I graduated? Yep it has. So all of you high school chums reading up on my post, hahaha, it has been that long for you as well! Aren't we getting old. I still feel young at heart though, but my legs feel it at the end of the day.
I had better sign off, the babies are out, and I am dead tired with only getting 3 hours of sleep a night for four nights. I need more tonight...lol!

I'm BAack!

Okay, so I found this book when I went to the library. I didn't know I was going to like it so much. The book was not my type, but apparently the shhh quiet in the library, is not the case these days. There were like five people talking rudely, loud, in front of the videos. I am guessing those not able to read can't see the signs, so they stand in front of the videos and talk to each other about which ones they like since they can't read the books. I am sorry, guess I am judging these people and I shouldn't but they ticked me off. I could barely comprehend what the novels were about when looking due to their loud talking. I found one called "Cover the Butter". It really is an awesome story. It is about a woman that lives her life and lets you in to her head from her early teens to the present time. All the twists and turns, love and hurt. If you want to look it up it is by Carrie Kabak.
With all the reading I was not online nearly as much. I cleaned and toiled, fed my kids, and read my book. When DH was home we chatted and shared. Yes I still got stressed at times, yes I still got upset, but I was much more level headed about dealing with those things. I was less stressed that usual and I was able to control my temper much better. Could it be that all this time I have had nothing to help relieve stress and that was compounded because I wasn't able to read as much after I had children as I was before I had children. I don't know! What I do know is that I have always enjoyed reading and it is very relaxing and therapeutic to me. It is wonderful. I will be posting more good info since, I am planning a trip back to the library tomorrow. We have all finished all our books and are in need of replacements.

In other news, my two oldest children are coming up on birthdays this coming weekend and the week after that. I will be the proud mother of an 8 year old, and a 6 year old. AHHH, and they want a sleepover party, together. We are talking 10 little girls all night long. I feel so sorry for my DH. He wants to get a hotel, but we haven't got the money to do that, with birthdays and Christmas and all. I think I will send him to his mother's house, or to his BFF's house for the night. Then he won't have to deal with it, then he can just sneak in for bed and not be bothered by all the noise. Anyway, should be great fun. We are making home made pizza, having cake and ice cream as well as playing twister, singing and dancing, and doing hair and nails. It proves to be wonderful fun.

I only have one website for you today. It is a friend and networking site for bookreaders. It is interesting and worth looking at, www.shelfari.com . Check it out.

Ahh, Clean feels so good!

I can't say enough about cleaning up my house. When the house is all cleaned up and I have spent about 4 hours making it look, smell, and feel clean I get such a sense of satisfaction. I really feel tremendous afterward. Then comes the family. The girls get home, Melody wakes up, and DH arrives home from work. Then all is trashed and I get such a down feeling. I just want to scream. Pick up your crap! So is it better to leave the house messy and not get all ticked when they mess it up, or should I just learn to deal and push them to be better?

I love having all the laundry cleaned and put away, but seriously with the amount I have, if I let it slip just one day without a load I can fall seriously behind. At times it takes as long as three or four weeks to get caught back up. It is nice that I directly can limit the amount of laundry I have simply by boycotting buying any clothes for myself. Oh wait, that isn't a boycott, I just don't have the time or money with all the buying for others.

Then on to flat surfaces. UGH! I can't say much more, even when my house is clean, smelling, feeling, and looking, doesn't mean that the flat surfaces are cleared. Take my mantel for instance, currently it has all the crap that my decorating challenged DH thinks looks good there, in addition to the name plaque he hasn't hung outside yet, and the Hannah Montana wig that Maddie keeps playing with when she shouldn't. I just wanted my unity candle from our wedding ceremony there, and a bible and a nice crystal candy jar, that's it, but no, clutter is better. Of course he is not the one doing the dusting so he thinks it is grand. The trash is calling for his things soon. On to the breakfast bar in the kitchen. Well forget it, everytime I get it clear it gets cluttered immediately. With either mail, pictures the girls have made, the girls homework from the week, mail, miscellaneous pieces of paper towel, large sums of bread(DH is a bread man, go figure), or mail. Did I mention mail? Yeah, it is a mess.

AHHHH! But it does not matter because in the past four hours I have cleaned all that up, and no one will be home for atleast an hour, so I am happy for an hour. That's enough for me.

Life is not always perfect!

Yeah, so we all know it. Life is not always perfect and I am not any exception to that rule. DH and I have been looking for a house for over two years. We hit all sorts of stumbling blocks. First we had the money and the credit and couldn't get an offer accepted. Then we hit some financial troubles, go figure. Family of 5 at the time and the girls dad has never paid child support. Kansas is not so good at enforcing the child support issue. He doesn't even have to skip jobs to get away from it. If I don't qualify for state aid, and I never did, then they don't take it directly out of their checks without a near murder threat. But I digress. We had to spend our nest egg for purchase on other things, bills for new baby. Then when we finally get our tax refund and get things taken care of, then we find a small snag that caused his credit rating to drop and now we don't have the credit. With the empending birth of our fourth child, we realize we have to do something drastic or we will be a family of 6 living in a two bedroom apartment. Well our credit is finally back up, but you guessed it, we paid bills with the money to get our credit score back up. So now we have moved into a house that we are renting because we can't live in a two bedroom apartment anymore. In doing this we decided that we could not pay all the bills if we had to pay my entire salary a month on childcare and fuel costs for my commute to and from work minus maybe $300 if we are lucky that we could spend on bills. I have always wanted to do childcare so I decided to bite the big one and quit my job to stay at home and be a mom and a childcare provider. Now certain parts of the city are abundent with childcare providers and others are not. In the richer areas, the parents have traded off staying home with children to both work corporate jobs and attain the American Dream. These areas are rich with children, but not childcare providers. We do not live in one of these sections. We live in an area with more moderate homes, like ours, where mothers have chosen to stay home with their families, hence not as much need for childcare providers. To top that off, given the state of the economy, and the keepin up with the Jones' mind set of this stupid state, most of those stay at home moms have had to take on a few kids here and there to make ends meet so they don't have to go back to work. So not only are there less kids to be cared for, but also more providers available for those needing care. Hence my problem, only one child I provide care for, and that is only in the afternoons after school for two hours. That makes for a small paycheck, and unfortunately, not enough to pay the mounting bills. Then to top it all off, I have two birthdays this month, and Christmas coming, and I don't even know how I am going to do that as we are extremely pinched to pay bills. I have a tiny weency bit in the savings, but it is not enough for all of that. I have a few bits of clothes purchased for the girls, but I still haven't gotten Santa gifts, and I have bought nothing for the younger two yet. I am banging my head against the wall. Now I am not without experience, so I could get a job, but I don't want to work all that much, since it would have to be in the evenings and weekends when the girls are home and David is not working. I don't want to give up all my time with the girls to pay for their Christmas. I also don't want to have to give up on DH's vacation with me this following year, and we have not even begun to pay for that yet. Taxes will come in before and that should pay for it, but they will not be here in time for Christmas. I can decorate beautiful cakes, but I don't have a liscense, hence I can't get a job at a good paying bakery because they will go with a liscensed decorator because they have the proven skill and I don't. My experience and the fact that I managed a bakery for three years will mean nothing to them. I don't want to go to a grocery store to do it, they won't pay enough and they will schedule me too much.
I guess I just needed to get it all off my chest because I won't talk to DH about it. He is already positive he is a no good provider because he can't provide for 4 children and a wife all on his own. Not many people can, and we do pretty well with what we have got. I just don't want him to feel like he is not doing enough, because he does more than enough, going to a job where he is emotionally abused each day, just to provide for us. He has gotten a few other offers, but none of them can offer the salary he is getting so he won't take them, even though I have urged him to. I just don't know what to do.
Please, I am asking for prayers from all of you. Pray for God's will to prevail and shine through, whatever it may be. I pray for guidance daily and try to wait for his response on all decisions. I just can't bear the thought of not providing everything for my dear wonderful girls. They have been through so much since I left their biological father, I want them to be so happy.
I just wish Santa would come thru on his own! Too bad!

After all these years, finally!

So here I am again. Tonights installment is good.

So I finally did it. David has been on me about it for some time now. I broke down and went to the library to get a library card for myself and the girls. As some of you may already know, libraries and I do not get along so good. I have a long list of offenses to libraries, even though I absolutely adore reading and libraries, I always forget to return the books. I even have a couple of video tapes from the one back home in Kansas.
We took the girls after school today. It was nice, the cards look more like a gift card than an actual library card. It is close to my house and girls are enough to keep me going, so I figured by necessity I would get one. However if I rack up one fine of more than $3, I am cutting it up just like I would an offensive credit card.
But I must go, my hubby is sitting in front of the fire, and reading books on Vegas. We need to do it together, it is our vacation. It will be so much fun, and we are going the extra mile on planning.

So it has been a few days, but here I am back again. I thought of all of you just itching to read the next installment, aren't I a nice person. So here we go. Life has been hectic for the past few days. Well after Halloween there was cleanup, all these people exported in, but did not take their trash with them. I had trash all over my yard Thursday morning and I had to clean up, thank goodness it was trash day so I just added it to the can by the curb. Then I had to clean up inside because I didn't do that at all earlier in the week. I swept and vacuumed and did dishes, yada yada yada. It looked wonderful, then the girls got home. They threw everything down and made horrid messes. After I cleaned that up it was on to dinner, cuddle a couple of babies (mine), then cleanup and off to bed routine. Same on Friday, except I had time to type my the rest of my child care policy book. On to Saturday, we played and cleaned(unending task) and sent Maia off on an overnight. I am so jealous, she got to see The Bee Movie. Then the younger three and I played outside while waiting on Daddy to get home. We ate Pizza, watched Ghost Hunters(the younger ones don't understand, and Maddie is convinced it is just a fake show and all made up), we watched the fire burn, then put the girls to bed and curled up in front of the fire........skip to end(edited for content), then went to bed ourselves.
Yea, time change! See you all later.

Sperm Donors!

This is why my ex still does not pay child support! I never had the money in any other states to hire a lawyer to do this for me, but now in Indiana they make it so easy. You give them a $25 money order(which is in my desk drawer) and fill out the paperwork (which is also all filled out in my desk drawer) then you give it to a caseworker at the Prosecutor's Office (which requires a drive downtown, they are not in my desk drawer) and they process everything for me. I am so scared of driving downtown, and they require no kids with me at the time of the visit. That is impossible for a stay at home mother of 4, 2 of which are still at home. David's mother is ill and can't do it, that leaves me only Wednesdays to do this. I always have good intentions, but I would have to leave before the girls get on the bus, which I hate and leave the other two with Daddy, on his only sleep in day of the week. It is only once, and he is more than happy, but I still don't manage to do it. I hate this. Their father owes the girls and myself this support. Besides that, he still gets the right to the girls as his children, yet David is the one supporting and raising them.
This just ticks me off, and hurts me because I can't imagine anyone not loving these two wonderful lil girls as much as I do. I love them so much and can't figure out why he doesn't care enough to send the money without my pushing. He has paid child support twice. It didn't keep up. Now he has another child on the way, and he told this child's mother that my sister was his sister, but didn't mention anything about how they were related or the girls to her. Apparently he has taken the pictures of them off the wall, because when my sister explained to her that not only was she not his sister, the only connection to him was these two lil girls, she knew nothing about them. I am so outraged by this. He is such a lump of horse poo I don't know how else to express it. I really wish and hope that he just falls off the face of the earth and I no longer have to think about it. Then atleast I would get a dead parent support from his Social Security paid, and he couldn't keep from supporting them any longer. Some would say wait, what about the grief and loss your children would feel. Well, believe you me, it is nothing compared to the grief they feel because the man they loved and felt so secure in, has nothing to do with them, and won't do anything to support them so their mother can afford to send them on visits. Not that I want them to visit him, I am sure with a new gf comes the fact that she is able to drive and now they have access to a vehicle again, so I am sure he is Driving Drunk on a regular basis again. Maybe he will learn from his mistakes soon. My rant is through for today, sorry to be so blatent and have hatred when speaking of him, but he has hurt my children, and that gets nothing but hatred from me.

Close to Perfect!

Life is how it should be. The babysitting kids were gone by 6:30 and supper was on the table by 6:45. We sat down as a family to the table and ate dinner with a fire blazing in the fireplace. When we were done with dinner it was cleared from the table and cleaned up. As the girls finished the job I hopped upstairs and ran a tub for the babies. I dumped the babies in the tub and spent time playing with them as I bathed them, then out of the tub and to the changing table I took Jilli to get her ready for bed as the older girls ran more water and jumped in with Mel. The babies were out and ready for bed by 8 and the bigger girls are heading off to bed at 8:45. It is great to have things work as planned and run smooth. It makes life easier, and it happens only 5% of the time, but oh when it does life is bliss. Then comes the reality that Mel is now trying to sweep the carpet with the broom and messing all sorts of things up while trying to fall down the stairs. The girls are extending their wake time by taking forever brushing and rebrushing their hair, and reading over my shoulder as I type this. It worked well for a while though. My lil Jilli is still good for momma, she has drifted off to sleep while watching Monday night football with her daddy. Ahh, life is still bliss in all this activity. I enjoy the daily interactions of my children and am so happy to finally have things so good. We have worked so hard for this and now it all falls into place. Now to just keep it in place while the world spins around us.
So many people in today's world don't know this feeling. Too many families are caught up in the rat race that is the world we live in. Whether they are just trying to make ends meet or trying to give their kids a better life, or just trying to line their pockets and fill their lives with material needs. I feel sorry for them, to not know this peace and harmony that we have found. Of course we have no money in the savings for vacation, and only are able to manage a bit for the kids for college fund, but we have what is necessary. Not to mention we get so much back at tax time we can afford a trip home each summer to visit my mother, and tickets for the train a couple times a year for her to visit us. I might complain sometimes but we really don't have it that bad. My husband doesn't feel like he does enough, but currently he is supporting this lifestyle on his paycheck, as I have not received any pay from the daycare as of yet. Not bad in this day and age.
We could have things so much worse, so I have to thank God everyday that He has made all this possible for us, and given us wonderful healthy children to boot. I am just feeling very thankful today as I see how close to perfect we are doing.

Separate from that I have found some interesting things online today that are noteworthy. For those of you Myspacers there is this wonderfully funny man on there and YouTube. The myspace page is www.myspace.com/markday , he is hilarious. He is slightly political and somewhat sarcastic, but all funny and he makes some very good observations of our political system from the point of view of an outsider looking in, as he was raised in Scotland. Give it a look and leave a comment, or rate his videos.

For the moms out there I have found and interesting website www.cafemom.com it is a moms site to share parenting stories and advise as well as resources. It is a great resource and interesting to see other points of view.

Then something I just found 4 months ago, but love so much it is www.freecycle.org . It is a great resource for recycling and keeping things out of the landfill as well as getting rid of used things that really aren't used up. I like to do the kids clothes this way, usually they go to someone that can really use them.

So check my site picks, and let me know what you think about them.

Vegas and everything else!

A day without spit up. That is all I am asking for, but alas it will be months before I actually get that. I guess I should have realized when I started this stage all over again that it was going to be gruesome.
I love my daughter, I really do. I just wish somedays she puked and ate more. There is never a lack of giggling though. She giggles and coos like a pro, and with that has her momma wrapped around her tiny lil fingers. I am so happy she is so happy.
As for DD#3 I am happy to report we are getting her to sleep easier these days. DH thinks that she had a nightmare about losing me and has aquired some attachment anxiety from it. I am not sure, I just think she is a kid coming off of an ear and sinus infection and she has had a bit more pain than usual. In any case, she has slept well for two nights now, I am so glad.
DH was on the computer all day looking at all things Vegas. WooHoo! DH and I will finally be taking our well deserved honeymoon. The first time around we had just had DD#3, Mel, so she was only 3 mo old at the time. I couldn't leave her to take a honeymoon. Then our first anniversary this summer, well I was 38 weeks pregnant will Jilli so that was out. We have finally decided this coming February we are going to take our much deserved honeymoon and it is going to be in Vegas. I don't really care where it is to be quite honest. I just want some time alone with my husband, that I can devote to him and I. I spend my days tending the needs of these children, and other people's children, I have little left when it comes to his needs. Now I will be able to devote an entire week to him, well save the times I am pumping my breast milk, and pining for the children back home with Nanny.....LOL! It will be great!
The older girls had an over night last night, that was nice. Mel fell asleep early and Jilli went down easily too. It was a nice change for DH and I to spend an entire night together. Now we just have to get through birthday and holiday season coming up...lol! We will be spending a couple of night with tons of girls about. Anyway, everyone is down for the night, and I have talked about our goings on, so I think I am going to sign off for the night! Farewell friends! See you soon!

Sleep, I need Sleep!

I know I knew what I was in for before I had my 4th child, but it is not her stopping my sleep. DD#3 has never had problems sleeping, she was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old. She has always gone down for her naps and her bedtime when it is time, but for four days now she has rebelled. Tonight she learned how to get out of her crib. I put the video camera in there to watch her, and sure enough she is slipping over the side. Lil Houdini is what DH is calling her. She hurt herself though, so what do I do. Do I just keep putting her back to bed and hoping she won't hurt herself too badly, or do I let her roam the house as I drowse off on the couch. I think I am going to have to get her a toddler bed, but then she won't go to sleep when she is supposed to or she will wake her baby sister while crying. I am just so warn down this week. I just put her down in her bed, and she finally fell asleep without knocking on her bedroom door. I just don't know what to do. I am guessing atleast with a toddler bed I could leave her in her room and she could get back into her own bed. I don't have the strength to deal with another rebeller, I thought I had atleast a break with her since she always went to sleep so nicely. Atleast DD#4 is getting really close to sleeping through the night now.
She is completely out, I better get myself into bed then. Get my sleep while I can. Wish me luck!

Yeah so like every other diary I have ever had, there are sparse times. I promise to get better, really. So much has happened in a year. Am I the busiest person on earth? Probably just the most unorganized in reality.
So from where I left off. DD #1 did fantastically as a 1st grader and started this year in the 2nd. She is exceding and still a favorite of her teachers. I still don't know when exactly she grew up on me but I see my baby giving way to an amazing little girl. I can't tell you how hard yet wonderful it is to see them grow. I just now realize exactly how important it is to enjoy the clingy times. By the time they hit this age they are very rarely clingy and all I want is to hold her sometimes.
Then there is DD#2. She is a big girl, started all day Kindergarten this year, wow. I can't believe it is already happening. She to is thriving in school and loved by many. She does very well, but her learning is much different than her older sister. She is great. She though, is a bit more of trouble....lol! She can't sit still as well as DD#1, but I think she will work her way in easily enough. When DD#1 started Kindergarten we had just moved to this new place and she was still a bit off foot. She got her footing. Well DD#2 started off with stable footing, so she is much more secure. Thank goodness she still needs tons of mommy time though. Clingy is not completely gone yet, yea!
The baby is not a baby anymore. DD#3 is now a strong and independent 19 mo old. She is amazing and crazy. She loves to make us laugh. She does this by laughing, dancing, singing, and sometimes intentionally falling. She is so smart just like the girls always were as babies. I can't believe how much they all have in common, yet they are completely different girls. That brings me to the newest arrival.\
That's right, you guessed it. I found out I was pregnant about this time last year. So on July 5 of this year we had DD#4, another girl. She is beautiful. She has captured the hearts of each of us, especially DD#3. I am being so careful to remember everything as this is the last one for DH and I. I had my tubes tied after her. She is wonderful, but each time I finish something up it is a bit of bittersweet. I am getting ready to wrap up all of her 0-3 mo clothes as she is growing out of them already. I will be sending them on to a friend. This is my last time with all these outfits, some of which have lasted through all four girls.
I am just glad to have a friend to send them on to.
So now, DH and I have found a wonderful house finally. It has space for all of us, and even has space for childcare. That's right, I quit the job I had held for the entirety of adult life and started my own childcare business. As I have delved into it, it has become a passion for me. It is amazing how much we can give as child care professionals to the children we care for. I am essentially doing the job of the parent in their place. So now I have finally gotten one son. He is a cute and happy 2 yo that loves to play with the babies. He is a good kid. I worry about him though, his mom is young, split from her husband, and spends a bit too much time on herself these days. It is a big change for him and his older brother.
Anyway, life is great, even when it is busy and hectic and crazy. I always love it, and would never change a bit of it. I am so happy, happy to me. Happy to have the friends that I have from years gone by, and happy to have made new ones, but always remembering everyone. I have such a huge capacity for love.