Finally found the directions back...lol!

Wow, over three months since I posted, OMG! Well it has been a very busy and eventfilled three months, lol!
For starters, my oldest daughter finished up her first year of school, wow, she is a great big 1st grader now, she is so cute. We took my mom back home and I returned to work. My lil mite was all I had after taking my mommy home. We left the big girls off with her for their annual summer time with her. Melody was very good and started sleeping through the night while they were in Kansas. Then it was time to go pick them up, spend our vacation there, and get married. I know I did it backwards, I always do. Anyway, on June 24, 2006 D L and I became husband and wife in a tiny ceremony in the middle of nowhere Kansas. It was beautiful. The ceremony was officiated by my junior high science teacher and driver's ed. teacher. Funny after all the years he still remembered me...lol! So now I am Mrs. L, mmm, M L, wow it sounds really good to me. You would think after turning 29, I would be over the childish, but no, the sound of it still makes me smile so wide. I hope it continues to do the same for many years to come.
Back at home, babysitter woes, so I switched my shift to overnight and cared for the girls during the day for five weeks until school started again. School started this Monday here. Of course, I can't work all week, why? Because I went to the state fair on sunday, stepped in a hole, and sprained my ankle and damaged some tendons....lol! I go back to work tomorrow.
M #1 is in 1st grade as promised in May, M #2 is still helping me find a preschool for her that will work around my schedule, agh, it is impossible, and M #3 is trying to crawl. Two days before she is five months old and trying to crawl, ahhhh, it is cute, but it will be a pain when she can, then I can no longer contain her...lol! AWWW, my three M's, gotta love em!
Well the mommy is off to do her daily cleaning chores, lol! So much fun!
See you all tomorrow, maybe!

M

Baby Blues!

I don't remember the last time I signed on and poste, of course it tells me when I get ready to post, and it says it was a month ago. Have I really been that busy, I feel like I have done nothing. I haven't gone back to work since the c-section yet. I don't know if I told anyone about that. I know I told you about the baby, but it was a 42 hour labor, finalized by a c-section, because the baby was holding her head sideways. The funny part, she still holds her head like that.... hehehe! She is a beautiful baby, and reminds me of the girls when they were young. I love my children so much.
The problem, I have post partum depression, it is driving me crazy, or was I already. It is making me doubt everything, my ability to parent, my ability to love others, even whether David loves me truly or not. Every other second I am sure he is just with me because of the baby, even though everything was set in place before we knew we were pregnant. It is simply driving me nuts, and him too. I snap at everything, start balling if he doesn't react to stuff the way I would like, or kiss me exactly when I want him to. I am driving him away, and doing things I would never have considered doing before. The girls think all I want to do is play around online, and I don't spend any time with them. They are wonderful kids, why am I withdrawing from everyone. If I can see all of this happening, why am I powerless to stop it. Not that I would ever hurt my children. I don't even think about it. I fear though, emotionally I am hurting everyone right now. Crying at the drop of a hat, snapping their heads off for no reason, aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What the hell is causing this?
Anyway I have to go, so much to do. The baby needs a bath, I still need a shower, Maddie needs mommy time, all while the laundry is running.
Uh oh, gotta run, naptime is over for Melody and she is crying. I can't handle hearing her cry, it makes me feel bad.

Okay, so I am feeling much better after the c-section now. I didn't realize exactly how long it would take me to recover from it. I am up and about. I even got a good deal on a baby crib today. So far we just had a bassinet because the baby is in our room for now, but the deal on the crib was just too good to pass up. Nothing really interesting happened today. Sorry I am so very boring today. Hope to have more interesting things to write about tomorrow.

Well I am sorry to have been missing for so long. I have a good excuse this time....LOL! I went into the hospital on March 18, just like I thought I would. My contractions started on March 17 at about Noon. I went to the hospital when they were about six minutes apart. That was March 18 at about Noon. I had already been in labor for 24 hours, and I thought that it would go pretty quick once I got to the hospital. I guess I was in for the shock of my life. This is how I know that occasionally I get a little complacent. I was sure I knew exactly how this labor was going to go. Well I labored, then finally at about 5 pm my water broke. Naturally I expected to be done by 9 pm. By 9 pm I was dilated to 8. I was sure I would have this baby by Midnight. At Midnight, I was still only dilated to 8. I was so tired, and the contractions were getting really strong, so I was looking forward to hard and strong contractions that I would be able to push through soon, and have my baby. The contractions continued and they were strong and close together, but I was still not dilating the rest of the way. I was scared and nervous. My girls at home were missing me terribly, as well as the fact of the one in my tummy was in distress. I was in terrible shape emotionally. Long story short, I never progressed, I spent 43 hours in labor till they decided to take her by c-section. It was okay, the look on David's face when they pulled Melody from my tummy, was amazing. He is such a wonderful father, for both the older girls, and for the baby. He is amazing, why didn't I find him from the start??????
Anyway, after all of that, we went back home to pick my mom up. She is staying with us for about a month. It is wonderful having her here. I like it that she is here to help, but I also like it that she is here to see where I live and see more of the world.
I have to go, rest calls my name. I have had lots of complications with this delivery.

agh, okay so I have not been so constant!

See this is the same problem I have always had with my many journals, or diaries. I stick with it a couple times then the in between times get longer and longer. So here I found my way back again. I am really hoping I will have a good reason for not posting tomorrow. I am hoping to have this baby today. I will be hoping to have this baby today everyday now until I have her. I am just so ready to see her, and to hold her, but mostly I am looking forward to seeing David hold her. I have never been with a man as loving as him, and I just am hoping for that moment that I never got with my first two, when I see there father look at them with so much love. Not that Maia and Maddie's father was so horrible, wait he is pretty bad but, he didn't really know how to love. He was never loved as a child. He actually felt hated. Because of that he never held them in that way. He never had the gleam in his eye that I looked for. I never completely understood until later, how he could not have that gleam, because to me they were the most perfect miracles I could have ever had. I am getting equally excited about the arrival of my third and final chapter to the child rearing stage of my life.
I am sad to think I will never feel all this joy again, but at the same time, I am glad to not have all the pain with it. I am glad to finally have a wonderful man to share all this with. David is so wonderful, and I love him very much.
Oh I just had my second contraction, and it was 45 minutes after my last one. Oh yes I have a way to go before hospital time, but it should be sometime today, I hope. Cross your fingers for me and wish me luck.
Signing off, need to get some things done before I go!

Ahhh, I have slept all day!

I have been asleep almost all day! The girls have bebopped in and out of their room, and there have been issues to deal with, but most of the day was spent snoozing here and there on and off. I think I needed it, I have been so dog tired lately. David let me snooze on the couch, while he took on the wonderful task of fixing this thing we call a computer. It has not let us sign on for a week, imagine, no email, and no checking our sites, and no access to my blogs, oh no! Well he fixed it, and we have overted a total wipeout by a worm.
I lost my morning babysitter this week. I am not really sure what happened. She just stopped getting up in the morning so I could drop Maia off with her. It kinda ticks me off, because it was without notice and it puts me in a tough spot, but oh well, I didn't like her babysitting anyway, and it makes me have to find someone else.

AGH!

Okay this is the thing, I just can't keep up. It is getting increasingly harder for me to do anything. I can't finish up at work, I have to have someone help me, I can't get things done at home, I get too tired. I can't even effectively spend time with my children I get too sleepy and bitchy with them, I run out of patience. You know, I never noticed how much of a bitch I am when I am pregnant until this pregnancy. I just didn't want to be that woman. You know, the one that treats her husband like crap, and makes her children unhappy, the one that doesn't have a nice thing to say. I can't help it though, my emotions fly all over the map. One minute I am thrilled and happy to have such a wonderful man in my life, then I begin to cry because I am sure he will leave me at any second, even though he loves me completely just as much as I love him. It is an unreasonable thought, but it takes me atleast six hours to realize that. I really don't remember being this way when I was pregnant with Maia and Maddie, but Steve would never have told me the way David does, he didn't care to talk to me as much. David and I share so much, we are more that lovers and friends. We are confidants, we share so much. Hopes and dreams, and in the end we try to comfort one another in times of need.
I am just glad it has not been this bad the entire pregnancy, and well I only have a mere 37 days left until D day, which means I can go back to normal, slightly. All I will be then is fatigued from lack of sleep. It will be okay, I will have six weeks to work it all out, and I have two prior births to learn from, hehehe!
All in all I am incredibly happy. I have a wonderful man in my life to raise this child with, and he cares for the girls as well. I have support from family and friends here, and back home. I shouldn't worry so much, but that one of the symptoms of pregnancy, worry, and I do plenty of it.
Damn, just lost my train of thought, I guess I can't type as quickly as I write, because there was so much I wanted to write, I know I barely scratched the surface. I guess I will write more later. Have a great week everyone, and I will write more later, in the near future.

Well all here we are again. I haven't posted for a few days, been rather busy. We are trying to get a deal on a new minivan for the growing family, but it would seem that car dealers aren't into selling people the car they want anymore, they are into selling a deal. Well I wasn't buying the deal and neither was David. They upped the amount we were willing to put down, they changed the vehicle on us because of an $800 dollar difference in options. My feeling is this, that if they wanted the money, they would give up a lil to get a bunch, but if they won't make some concessions and get us the vehicle of our choosing, then I guess we won't be buying from them now will we. I hate the way this particular dealer tried to change it on us. I guess we will go back to our usual dealer and see what he can do for us, maybe we won't get the sun roof, but what we will get is a dealer that goes above and beyond to earn our business, that I like.

As far as the kids, all are well. The baby is doing great and the girls are doing really well as well. I love the way they play and act. I guess it is a really great feeling.

I'm still here!

So today was an interesting day. Work was simply crazy, I mean the day before superbowl at a grocery store, well let's just say, we were selling the hell out of snack items, and I got mine before I left.

I picked the girls up from daycare, and they were surprisingly well behaved. When we got home they cleaned up in their room, I was simply shocked. Now the room isn't perfect, but they are just lil girls, and I can deal with what they managed, I will finish the rest. It just felt good to have things fall into place so nicely. Supper went well and they ate good without fits, so I thought why not a movie and a later bedtime.

Ahhh, so we picked out White Chicks, now that was educational, hehehe! Atleast they enjoyed it and went to bed fairly easily and without a fight. Now that makes mommy happy. I love a day when I can not get upset with my kids, it is a wonderful day when everyone is happy.

Now on to my time, we enjoyed a quiet night after that. Just the two of us yelling at the dog all night. LOL! Watching a movie, and kinda cuddled up in each others arms. It is wonderful time spent as well! A very relaxing day!

Kids

Well it is very interesting to get into their heads occasionally. I just don't often get a chance to get in and out unscathed. Usually a trip inside the head of a child comes with a big price.
The girls room is always dirty, but for the past week it has been filthy. I mean trash on the floor to the extent you can't walk without stepping on it, and the floor is completely covered by either clothes, toys, or blankets.
We are getting ready to buy new beds and a new dresser for the girls and it would be a great help if we could atleast walk in the room to move the old stuff out and the new stuff in.
For three days I have been telling them to clean up a lil bit every day. I have assigned them certain tasks daily so they don't have to do it all in one day, but each day they have chosen to ignore me. Finally we are at crunch time, tomorrow we are going to pick up the beds and dresser and they have not even begun, in fact it has gotten worse. So last night after cutting my foot on trash when tucking them in, I told them they would not be allowed to do anything until they had cleaned up in their room.
Today it is a beautiful day outside, and a perfect time to ride bikes or play with the neighborhood kids, but they have been told no. Maia comes into the living room weeping lightly after having been in her room five minutes.
"Mom, I don't want anyone to play with me!" says Maia.
"Why, so you don't have to clean your room?" I respond.
"Yes" she says.
LMAO! She honestly thinks that she won't have to clean her room if she doesn't want to play with anyone....hehehe! I don't understand where her reasoning comes from but I gave her an E for Effort...lmao!

And so we begin!

Well everyone, life is pretty much the same as it is everyday here. I am just pregnant and living my life. Life gets hectic and crazy with two children and one overgrown child, but it is great!
We are finally begining to pick up things for our new arrival. We have accumulated a bassinet and some clothes, but I worry bout buying too many toys before she will actually need them, hehehe! Everyone is excited. I went to the doctor yesterday and she assures me that things are going along just as planned and the baby is great. Maddie still insists that it is a boy though, she will hold on to that hope until a lil girl pops out.
I am seated on the couch as we speak, curled up with my lil Maddie just watching a good movie ( Home on the Range), Maia is in school. OMG! Yes she is already in full time all day school, I can't believe she is not the lil baby I had just a few weeks ago as it seems. They both have gotten so big this past year. They grow up way too fast.
As for anything else, oh yes, David is getting over his pnuemonia, thank goodness, because we were a sad couple with me big and pregnant and him too sick to rise from bed. Dinner was a big show every night, neither one of us felt like cooking, but we managed, and ate out a bit.
Well life calls my name, I guess I should be going! Everyone have a great day!